


Unfortunately Me

by mlfoyskhione



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, Blood, Character Turned Into Vampire, Comfort, Crying, Fiona is a great aunt, Heavy Angst, Hurt Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Hurt/Comfort, Pain, Sad, Self-Hatred, Vampire Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, like really sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-13 18:48:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29033448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mlfoyskhione/pseuds/mlfoyskhione
Summary: Baz is, unfortunately, Baz. And he officially Turns into the one thing he has been dreading and trying to avoid. Luckily, Fiona is there to help him through the pain.
Relationships: Fiona Pitch & Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 2
Kudos: 30





	Unfortunately Me

**Author's Note:**

> I was inspired to write this after reading mageicalwishes fic: Family Dog on ao3. Idk how to link fics but go check their fic out! 
> 
> TW: Mentions of blood and death. Nothing really descriptive, but it is there.
> 
> Also, in my mind, this takes place the summer before fifth year, but you can imagine it however you want.

***B***

“Fiona…”

“Baz? What? What is it? It’s five in the morning for fucks sake.”

“I… I have a problem…”

A horrible, _horrible_ problem. Tears keep streaming down my face and I can’t seem to stop it. They just keep coming…

“Fiona--” a choked sob rises from my throat. It’s embarrassing and Fiona surely picks up on it.

“Okay, stop right there, kid. I’ll be over as quick as I can.” And then she hangs up the phone. I’m lucky to have her.

I certainly can’t stop the tears now. They pour out of my eyes and I’m sobbing again; shaking and wailing and everything. 

I eventually bury my face in my pillow and try to block the world out. It’s so hard to block anything out, though. At least not now that my senses are on overload and I can pick up every single noise, every single scent…

Her scent is wafting into my nose as I continue to cry and think about her. And what I’ve done. And what I’ve now officially become. Something I’ve been avoiding and trying to forget for practically all my life. 

I drained her dry. She’s nothing more than a carcass. Nothing more than some fur that fancy people wear as coats.

And the worst part is, the absolute worst part, is that her blood pooling in my mouth and making its way into my system felt _good_. Like an electric shock reviving my long dead body and coursing through every single space inside me, making me alive again. The worst part is I need more.

I’d just-- I’d been so fucking thirsty. Not even close to a dehydrated sort of thirsty. It’d been like an incurable void inside me that could only be filled with one specific thing: blood.

I’d woken up in a state of panic, breathing hard and ragged, my vision blurry and my head spinning. It had been so hard to keep my mind straight, and then it had been _impossible_ to keep my mind straight.

Maggie had been curled up at the end of my bed, supposedly sleeping soundly until I’d woken up in panic. Then she had started barking, and that was all she had done in her last moments on Earth. I’d sunken my fangs into her, draining every last drop of blood from her body. I now recall my only plausible thought at that moment being, _hunt, kill, thirsty, blood, blood, blood…_

I’m now sedated enough to keep a piece of my humanity, thank Merlin. But I know it won’t last long. I can feel that thirst creeping up inside of me again, faint but surely waiting to strike soon.

I’m still scream-crying into my pillow, but the tears have stopped because I physically can't bring tears anymore. I've already cried for a good thirty minutes or so ever since Maggie died. Since I killed her.

I killed something. I actually killed something. I killed my pet. My family pet! Is this what I’m reduced to now? A literal, bloodthirsty monster-beast that murders things?

I know I have to calm down or else I’ll just make the thirst worse.

I keep on screaming, and screaming, and screaming into my bed; my throat runs hoarse. There are two puncture marks in my once pristine white pillow. My fangs won’t retract. I now have to worry about having fucking _fangs_. And they won’t retract. I know it’s because I’m still thirsty. I don’t want to have to be thirsty for.. for _blood_.

I can smell Maggie’s dead body from over on the floor. There is, quite literally, not a single drop of blood that I didn’t drink or lick from her or from off my bed or floor.

I know Fiona will be here soon, but I just wish she was here now. I know it’s extremely dangerous to have a person, with a heart pumping blood, near me, but I have faith in myself that I can keep myself sane around her for a bit since I recently drank all of Maggie’s blood. 

I called her because there was no one else _to_ call. I’m not leaving this room. I don’t want Mother and Father to know that I’ve officially Turned. I just need Fiona to come and help me with my situation really quick--bring me a couple of animals to keep my humanity for the next day or so until I know for sure I can be around Mother, Father, and the kids while keeping my calm. To keep my fangs at bay.

Eventually I hear a _ping_ on my mobile and I check to see that it’s Fiona telling me she just pulled up.

I pick myself up from my bed and wipe at my face ferociously. I know my eyes are stained red and puffy, but the least I can do is wipe the tear tracks away. I look down at my pajamas, not for the first time, and a good portion of them are stained with dried blood. Nothing I can lap up. 

I know. I tried.

***F***

I’m running through the manor, having already casted a bunch of silencing spells. I certainly don’t want to wake up Daphne, Malcolm, or the little ones. 

I think I have an inkling about what’s wrong with Baz, but I hope I’m wrong. He sounded so _torn_ over the phone, I knew I had to arrive right away and help him, whatever it turned out to be.

I finally reach his door, and I knock rapidly. I can’t hear him respond since all the bedrooms have silencing spells over them, so I just push the door open and walk in.

Immediately, the strong stench of something rotting hits me and it takes me a second to adjust. I then see Baz, and _holy shit._

He’s standing against the wall on the other side of the room, his back flat against it. He looks like something straight out of a horror film; his pajamas are covered in dried blood and so is his face and hands. His expression is one of pure terror and sadness, and it’s completely obvious he’s been crying, not that I hadn’t already guessed that much from our phone conversation.

His jaw is tightly clenched and he’s visibly shaking. Even from across the room I can see that his pupils are dilated, his eyes overtaken by a black mass.

“Basil,” I say slowly. I take a couple steps towards him and he tries to back away, even though he’s already the farthest he can get from me.

“Fiona,” he says through a painful groan. I see them then. Long, sharp, white fangs protruding from his gums. Top and bottom. I can’t help but gasp. He lets out a sob which makes them visible again.

“Oh Basil,” I say, almost whispering. So it finally happened. I had been wondering when… I had hoped it never would…

I should have known, he’d gone through a huge growth spurt recently, and he always seemed extra sensitive to everything, lights and smells and stuff. He was now officially a vampire.

I take another step towards him. “Fiona _no_ ,” he all but screams. He’s pushing his words through his teeth, talking like he has a huge wad of gum in his mouth. I knew he had sounded different over the phone.

“Baz, what do you need me to do?” I ask cautiously, not moving any farther.

“Blood…”

“Okay, right.” Where do I get that from that isn’t from myself? I look him over again, and he obviously already had his fair share of blood. That’s when I acknowledge the smell in the room, and I notice the dead body of a dog on the floor. Maggie… 

“Right,” I say again, “I’ll be back in a second.”

I don’t want to leave him, not in this state, but his need for blood far outweighs his need for emotional support at the moment.

He’s nodding his head rapidly and he clenches his jaw again, wincing in pain. It hurts so fucking much to see him like this.

“I’ll be right back. Promise. Give me a minute or two.” I need to reassure him of this fact. He keeps on nodding, and I finally close his bedroom door and start sprinting back through the manor.

I’m heading towards the forest. Despite seeing Maggie--sweet, innocent, loving Maggie _dead,_ by my own nephew’s hands, she gave me my solution.

I can’t get Baz’s face out of my head. He was completely broken, shattered. I am too. It hurts to see someone you love like that. As a monster…

No. He’s not a monster. Never will be. He just has an extra special condition that gives him long fangs and blood lust. No big deal. I can’t even imagine what’s going on in his head right now. I wish I could take the pain away somehow. Hopefully, by bringing him animals he can drink, he’ll be in less pain, though.

***B***

I really hadn’t planned things through when I invited Fiona over.

In my head, I had thought that she would come to my room, ask me what was wrong, I would say I needed blood--from animals in the forest that is--and she would leave to go get me what I needed. Simple. Which, in some way or another did happen. I just truly thought I had been sedated enough to have a human within close proximity of me without _losing my mind._

However, once she was in the hallway, I could smell her blood; it smelt like a huge bonfire mixed with something cold. An odd combination, but undeniably irresistible.

I could barely form words when she entered the room. My mind was screaming at me to _bite_ and _take._ Luckily, I was able to control myself enough to not drain her, but it was a close fucking call.

I think she’s headed to the woods anyways. Thank every God above. Maggie _definitely_ wasn’t enough to hold me over for the rest of the day, let alone less than an hour. 

I’m pacing the room now. Like a caged animal. Waiting for more blood. The vampire part of me knows it's coming. It can also still smell a minuscule amount of Fiona’s blood. I keep instinctually baring my fangs, and I’m embarrassed to hear a low growl come from my throat.

The human part of me wants to keep on crying. The human part of me is screaming _what have I become?_

Truly, what have I become?

***F***

For the third time this morning, I’m running through the manor. Except this time around, I have with me one deer, levitating behind me, and I’m holding a couple squirrels and rats. Which, unsurprisingly, isn’t the strangest thing I’ve ever done. But it is still odd, and the smells from the dead animals are even worse.

Anything for Basilton.

I knock on his door quickly, and even quicker I drop the animals on the floor right inside his room, and close the door, without giving so much of a glance to Baz. I then head down the hallway and sit at the top of the stairs with my head in my hands.

A tear slides down my cheek, and I’m not even ashamed. I wish I could do more for Baz. I wish I could have stopped him from being Turned that fateful day in the nursery. And saved Natasha, too. So many wishes, and none of them being granted.

After a good twenty or so minutes have gone by, I get up and go back to the outside of his room.

“Baz,” I say softly, “I don’t know if you want company or not, and I don’t want to intrude, so if you do want company could you please come open the door yourself?” I wait a few seconds. “It’s totally okay if you want to be alone right now.” I don’t want him to be alone, but it is his choice.

After thirty seconds he opens the door. He backs away to allow me room to walk in, and I make sure to give him space.

He’s covered in even more dried blood than he was before, and I can see the pile of animals to my right, far away from Maggie.

I want to hug him, but I don’t know if that's okay. I ask. “Do you want a hug?”

He nods, and I make my way over to him and wrap my arms around him gently. But then he pulls me in really tight, and he starts to cry. I rub his back and I feel like I’m going to cry too. But right now I have to be the strong one.

He rests his head on my shoulder and continues to cry, and I can feel snot and blood on me and it is definitely unpleasant, but it’s something I can live with.

I don’t really know what to say. I know for sure that _everything’s okay_ and _you’re alright_ are stupid things to say; everything is not okay and alright. Never fully will be for him. Luckily, he seems to be just fine in silence.

I let him cry and mumble things to me for a while, and we’re still standing in the middle of the room.

“I don’t want to be like this,” he sobs.

I stroke his hair.

“I- I don’t want to live like this, Fiona,” he sobs again.

“I know, Basil. I’m so sorry.”

He clutches me tighter. “I want to be normal.”

“I’m so sorry, Baz.”

“And the worst part is, it tastes _good,_ Fiona. My body fucking craves it. I crave it.”

I just know my heart is ripping into pieces right now. I can feel it happening. He continues to cry and I continue to stroke his hair and rub his back.

He eventually lifts his head up to face me, and his expression is just filled to the brim with pain and loathing. Nothing that should be seen on a child’s face. There’s blood smeared all over his skin too. I should probably ask to clean him up.

I’m about to ask when Baz speaks first.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers, agony clear.

I’m taken aback. “For what?”

He wipes at his eyes and sniffs. “I killed Maggie.”

I squeeze his shoulders and give him a small, sad smile. “She’s in a better place now, kid.” I know it’s a stupid thing to say, much like the _everything’s okay_ , but I had to say something. He just wipes at his eyes some more and looks at his feet.

We’ll bury Maggie a bit later. It’s definitely an unspoken fact.

“Let’s get you cleaned up, yeah?” I ask, hoping it’s an okay thing to say.

“Yeah,” he sniffs. His fangs are gone. I don’t know what I was thinking, maybe that they’d be out all the time now, but I guess they appear when he’s thirsty. That means he had enough to drink, which makes me happy.

I walk him over to his personal bathroom and he leans against the countertop while I pull out my wand, casting **_clean as a whistle_ ** a million times to fully get the blood cleaned off of his skin. Unfortunately, his pajamas are long past ruined.

***B*** 

I don’t really know what to do now.

I didn’t think I had any tears left in me, but I was proven quite wrong. I’m embarrassed that I cried so much in front of Fiona, but it was extremely nice to have her company.

My thirst is gone, which is the best thing that has happened to me today. I can still smell Fiona’s blood, but it isn’t overwhelming in the slightest, and I have to admit that I’m really full after drinking the animals she brought me.

I’m leaning against the countertop and avoiding Fiona’s gaze as she wraps her arm around my shoulders.

After a while she speaks. “You know I love you, right?” I nod my head. Half of me believes it, the other half desperately wants to believe it. " _This_ doesn’t change anything,” she says firmly but with love.

“What about Mum and Dad?” I ask; I fear.

“They know about your condition, Basil. They knew it would happen some day.”

“I don’t want them to know it happened. They’re going to hate me,” I grit out.

“Not true. They both love you.”

I sigh, and that’s my only response.

Besides Daphne and Father, the other person who I’m worried about is Snow. We’re roommates, and he is annoying and irritating and can’t stop sticking his nose into other people’s businesses. He’ll find out sooner or later, I’m sure. And once he does, he’ll go right to the Mage and tell him and the Coven what a monster I am. I’ll be Banished. Exiled from my family and friends.

I shouldn’t care about Snow, or what he thinks, but, unfortunately, I do. He already thinks I’m a monster because I’m rude to him or whatever, _which_ he deserves, because I hate him, and he’s _the worst_ , but I don’t want him to find out I’m a _true_ monster. I won’t be able to take it.

I sigh again and lean into Fiona. I miss Maggie so much. I wish there was some way I could say sorry to her.

“Thanks for coming,” I tell Fiona.

“Of course, Basil.” Somehow, she squeezes me even tighter.

As I’m leaning against Fiona, all I can think about are the miserable days to come. Full of blood, blood, and more blood. For the rest of my life.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it! (Even though it was pretty sad) Please leave a kudos or comment if you'd like! I'll be writing more Carry On/Snowbaz fics in the future


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